The Big East As If Teams Were Beers

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Beer

Mandatory Credit: Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

Ranking things happens to be all the rage. It is why blogs (like this one) rely heavily upon the slideshow format when putting out content. Everyone — and unfortunately, I mean everyone — complains about it, but having stuff come in list form makes for some good debate as well as a reason for folks to go bonkers about college hoops in September. That’s why we are going to rank the Big East Conference — already, as if the league’s teams were actually beers.

Yeah. Beers. Because, it is too early to sincerely rank the league without knowing team’s actual starting lineups, who will be eligible or if the zombie apocalypse happened, is about to happen or is still something I dream about before I close my eyes and think about my future wife, Christina Ricci.

Does it sound like a horrible, ill-conceived idea? You bet your rear, however, it is far better than media members complaining about Ron Morris getting booted from covering college football. You know, the same Ron Morris who is often criticized for putting himself ahead of the stories he covers and ranking teams like the Club State Pool Cleaners ninth in a preseason AP Poll. Eh, I digress.

Here is what we know about thew Big East Conference so far: It is “new”, it has some new teams in it, some familiar faces, got rid of a lot of dead weight, lost a few traditional powers and might possibly feature the best group of coaches in any conference (not best teams or programs — coaches).

Now, I know we said we are “ranking” things, but really we are just telling you which Big East team is what beer, in no particular order (okay, really it is alphabetically).

Alright, remember, we don’t advocate drinking or getting so intoxicated that Miley Cyrus look attractive — we just do it, often.

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Topics: Big East Conference, Satire, St. John's Red Storm

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